The One when I realised Dave Arch is my (not so) secret, slightly inappropriate crush

It’s that time of year again – get out your spray cans, fish out the rhinestones and sequins I know you have stashed away, and grab the wineglasses – Strictly Come Dancing is back! Yep, you read that right, the nation’s favourite Saturday night show is back on TV. And while last night was really good, I do think Strictly makes a Saturday night, and Saturday nights are made for Strictly.

This year, I happen to be living with a good friend who is also a big Strictly fan and fellow blogger. This means only one thing – doubled-up live-blogging… because bitching comments and shameless perving shouldn’t just be reserved for our living room, it should be shared with the…masses?

Here’s how it works:
Each week myself and Emma will be bringing you a tag-team live-blog of Strictly Come Dancing. We will be alternating whose blog it is posted on so if you want to keep up-to-date with our clearly deeply insightful commentaries, then you should make sure you’re following both of our blogs.

Last week on Strictly (found here) we saw the exit of Judge Rinder, and with it, a little bit of the light and life went from the ballroom. I was never the biggest fan, I’ll be honest, but he loved it so much and he showed it through his face and his praise for Oksana. I’ll miss him!

This week, the strictly semi-final week is stepping up the risk factor with not one but two dances per couple. It’s going to be an exicting night…let’s get on with the show.

Opening credits/Intro

Emma: They’ve started it like something like the Apprentice

Liz: It is rather dramatic. Two dances though, drama central.

Emma: I feel like Tess has got the best deal there

Liz: I love infectious my dislike of Gio has been.

Emma: Claudia is wearing the slightly risqué dance tonight.

Liz: Ooo, sparkly.

Emma: Craig looks like he was sporting a bit of stubble there, I am a little bit horrified.

Liz: Is there a black and white judges na dpresenters theme tonight?

Emma: Awww look at Kevin’s little…..what the fuck is he wearing?

Liz: Is that enough Leather Ore?

Emma: Jeez that is a lot of leather. And why hasn’t he got his shirt on, in fact, he is wearing two.

Louise Redknapp and Kevin Clifton: Tango to ‘Glad All Over’ (watch here)

Liz: She loved that dance last week, the smile on their ickle faces.

Emma: Awww look at Kevin. When is a little bit scruffy in training….

Liz: That jaw though!

Liz; Emma looks like she could tear up here watching them watch their viewers thoughts.

Emma: Dave Clark Five. Right, stop singing the words.

Liz: It kinda works

Emma: It’s so untangoey but theyre doing all the moves

Liz: That arse though.

Emma: He is smiling a lot considering this is a tango

Liz: I really love this.

Emma: Seeing a lot of Louise there.

Liz: Awww Jamie

Emma: Awww. Not being funny, does he cry every time.

Liz: Oh my God, Dave Arch looks quite good.

Judges’ Comments

Liz: The constant booing of any valid Len comment that is slightly not positive is doing my head in.

Emma: It was a very happy Tango, but then didn’t Joanne and Ore do one to Geronimo.

Liz: They did. They did.

Emma: See they say Ed Balls feeling but he wouldn’t have had the technique

Liz: Craig’s face looks a completely different shape, must have had work done!

Judges’ Scores

Liz: I feel like she is not a moody and stompy, so he didn’t make it like that.

Craig: 9 Darcey: 9 Len: 9 Bruno: 10 total: 37.

Liz: Kevin is looking and Karen like ‘Are we married?’

Emma: Kevin is looking like ‘this is what I have to deal with’

Danny Mac and Oti Mabuse: Salsa to Vivir Mi Vida (watch here)

Emma: He is wearing a hat, not sure how I feel about it

Liz: Neil though…..

Emma: What was the latin they did?

Liz: Err……THAT samba

Emma: Don’t know if I’m ready for this.

Liz: These lifts though

Emma: Was that meant to happen??

Liz: This is quite…risky? Not risqué, risky, like it is a tiny step from death. No joke.

Emma: Was that supposed to  be like that?

Liz: I have no idea? Yes….?

Emma: The ease with which he is just like ‘’I’ll just out her leg over like that’’

Liz: These with which he just hops her up onto her shoulder.

Emma: Look at Harry from McFly.

Liz: LOOK AT NEEIIIIIIIL

Judges’ Comments

Liz: Emma is choking at Bruno’s comments.

Emma: Erm…

Liz: The crowd don’t deal well with Danny criticism

Emma: Oh they got an ah-maz-ing.

Liz: Yeah but that dismount from the end lift.

Emma: Can we ban the word

Liz: Erm..

Emma: Bruno has fallen off his chair.

Liz: Was that intentional or – ?

Emma: Ohhhhhh

Liz: I see what you did there Len. Porridge-y pun.

Judges’ Scores

Emma: Yeah it’s the first Bruno fall of the series.

Liz: Oti, wow.

Emma: Not gonna lie I was staring at her boobs there. Look at her.

Craig: 9 Darcey: 9 Len: 9 Bruno: 10 Total: 37

Liz: Bruno’s eyes then though.

Emma: Look at Aljaz.

Claudia Fragapane and AJ Pritchard: Rumba to ‘Bleeding love’ (watch here)

Emma: Has she? (been popular with people of the public) That sounds bitchy…but…

Liz: This is wrong, they shouldn’t know what a rumba is.

Emma: I feel like I could have seen.

Liz: This is wrong.

Emma: She still does that thing where she hits a move and stops, I know she is a gymnast dbut…at least her extensions are nice

Liz: AJ’s hair is freaking me out.

Emma: What is his hair doing?

Liz: My nachos are repeating.

Emma: Oooo Gorka.

Liz: They were too young

Emma: I can see his chest, I don’t want to see his chest.

Judges’ Comments

Emma: Yeah, exactly. When she goes out to he thing, and she just stops. Her core strength allows her to do it slowly and she just, well, stop.

Liz: It wasn’t actually that bad for a rumba.

Emma: That;s the thing, they are both very skilled, but yeah, lacks romance. But then you can’t mark down for their life experience.

Liz: I’m not sure a rumba should ever be clean

Emma: She called it the technical term, Len called it cocking her leg up.

Liz: It’s harsh to criticise her for being young, She is, she can’t change that

Emma: I feel like that has been the criticism all the way along.

Judges’ Scores

Emma: Neil is at the front.

Liz: Neil lovin’ is spreading.

Craig: 8 Darcey: 9 Len: 9 Bruno: 9 Total: 35

Emma: Based on the comments that shouldn’t have scored 3 nines.

Liz: I believe she will bring it, I bet she will have a fighting sprirt.

Ore Oduba and Joanne Clifton: Quickstep to ‘Are You Gonna Be My Girl?’ (watch here)

Liz: You should have shown more magic last week then.

Liz: He’s bloody crying again!!

Emma: I’m worried about them doing two dances.

Liz: I’m really worried about them this week.

Emma: Oh Ore what are you going?

Liz: Oh I like this song though. And she looks incredible

Emma: Len is stood up this week

Liz: I like this.

Emma: He’s very light on his feet. And I see what you mean, you can see he is the presenter, he always knows where the camera is.

Liz: It’s too quick to type and watch.

Emma; It is very quick.

Liz: They are really moving.

Emma: I almost felt like he was leaping a little bit too much, like she was almost having to pull him back along.

Liz: Dave Arch was well into the ending there. I think he is my secret crush

Emma: I liked it when he jumped over the bike

Liz: I think Ore is happy with that. THAT Is why I love the quickstep

Judges’ Comments

Liz: Will he cry at that reaction?

Emma: He’s probably crying already

Liz: That was a filthy sound that I never want to hear Darcey make again.

Emma: I see what you did there

Liz: Strictly won’t be the same without Len’s puns. Do you think they will have a tribute in the final?

Emma: Awww Len stood up.

Liz: Bruno scares and creeps me out sometimes,

Emma: Excuse me?

Liz: Judges’ barney!!

Emma: Len! Len, calm down.

Liz: He looks furious.

Judges’ Scores

Liz: Well… they still look hap…..OH MY GOD LOOK AT OTI.

Craig: 8 Darcey: 10 Len: 10: Bruno: 10 Total: 38

Liz: Bullshit Craig, BULLSHIT.

Louise Redknapp and Kevin Clifton: Samba to ‘Brazil’ (watch here)

Liz: Erm…wow.

Emma: What is on her head?

Liz: What is going on? What is Claudia doing?

Emma: She has still lost it.

Liz: I feel like grown and journey are over used, but it really applied to her.

Emma: what is Kevin’s hair going there.

Liz; I feel like this is what white people dancing in a Cuban club would look like

Emma: Kevin’s face

Liz: That is a great dress for moving with a little hip action

Emma: Was that meant to happen?

Liz: I’m confused as to why…is she flirting?

Emma: Awww Kevin, I love Kevin. I’ll be honest, I don’t really like sambas

Liz: I’ve never liked them.

Judges’ Comments

Emma: Maypole? Whats the maypole? I’ll check *asks google*

Liz: Seriously, stop harassing people. Just stop.

Emma: I’m going to have to watch to figure out what a maypole is.

Liz: Awww Jamie looks so proud.

Emma: He looked like he was crying

Liz: Probably.

Emma: Haha, yeah he does

Liz: I feel like that was an accurate description of Kevin.

Emma: did you see, Kevin was like no mate

Liz: I love that

Emma: I love that, he turned straight to Jamie, and not Louise.

Judges’ Scores

Liz: Neil’ shimmies are something to behold.

Craig: 9 Darcey: 9 Len: 9 Bruno: 9 Total: 36

Liz: I’m worried it’s not going to be enough.

Emma: I feel like it comes down to what dances you have left.

Danny Mac and Oti Mabuse: American Smooth to ‘Misty Blue’ (watch here)

Liz: This is like a short version of our Youtube visits watching these clips.

Emma: He wears that jumper all the time

Liz; He looks good in it. And that shirt.

Emma: She always looks good.

Liz: I feel like she likes that sort of three back dress.

Emma: I feel like I’m watching something I shouldn’t be

Liz: Their dances do ooze something….oh I love those spins.

Emma: Shitting hell. How has he got hold of her there?

Liz: It’s so easy, the effortlessness

Emma: Oh shitting hell

Liz: Yeah….she trusts him. A lot,

Emma: See this is why he is so much better.

Liz: The little jumps, and turns

Emma: He could have just stood there while she did that, but no, he does extra little bits.

Liz: Hang on, that is quite a gap, Why is he still backing up?

Emma: Shitting hell. Oh God.

Liz: Wow, Jeez.

Emma: She didn’t hold back there at all.

Liz: Nope she just went for it

Emma: I see what people have been saying now.

Liz: That lift though, she doesn’t half trust him an awful lot. Like, a shed load.  Well, not lift, catch.

Judges’ Comments

Liz: Emma just choked on her cake.

Emma: Exquisite, yeah, that’d word.

Liz: Awwww

Emma: I love it when she gets excited,

Liz: She is so adorable.

Emma: That’s not a surprise

Liz: He agreed with Craig?!

Judges’ Scores

Craig: 10 Darcey: 9 Len: 10 Bruno: 10 Total: 39

Emma: I don’t know who whooped but it was quite loud.

Claudia Fragapane and AJ Pritchard: Quickstep to ‘When You’re Smiling’ (watch here)

Liz: They’re saying all this right, but they have only ever given her one 10.

Emma: So that implies they don’t give a shit about technique, as long as it’s OK, you need to tell a story.

Liz: It’s a dancing competition.

Emma: I don’t think she is suddenly going to fix it,

Liz: She has a bit in this though.

Emma: That’s a bit of a creepy smile.

Liz: I love this. So much content.

Emma; That’s quite quick there.

Liz: If she doesn’t get 40 for that, they will never give her 40.

Emma: Wow, look at Gorka’s arm

Liz: Them tattoos.

Judges’ Comments

Liz: Well she is.

Emma: Well, she…

Liz: She is an athlete.

Emma: Well they’re not going to give her a 10.

Liz: I just don’t get it. There were no faults, let’s be real.

Judges’ Scores

Liz: Him screeching reminds me that they need to go to school on Monday.

Craig: 9 Darcey: 9 Len: 10 Bruno: 10 Total: 38.

Emma: Let’s be honest if you want a 10, it’s one from Len.

Liz: I just don’t know how it was so low.

Emma: Neil really is always in the background.

Ore Oduba and Joanne Clifton: Argentine Tango to ‘I Can’t Get You Out Of My Head’ (watch here)

Liz: Emotional? He just cries, all the time.

Emma: They’re saying pigeon toed, he can’t fix that, like Claudia with the gymnastics and age.

Liz: Erm

Emma: Oh Oh.

Liz: how? What?

Emma: He is making that face. We all know what it means and I don’t want to see it.

Liz: They’re contorting her.

Emma: Where are his leg flicks?

Liz: I didn’t think he was the one that would have brought it, but he did.

Emma: There they are. I’m glad he did some of them

Liz: That little slap to snap him out of the mood of the dance.

Judges’ Comments

Liz: Oh Jesus Tess.

Emma: Attentive partner?

Liz: I feel like we’re finding out a lot more about Ore than we should be

Emma: Don’t want to hear Len say that.

Liz: I have realised really hard this week that it is Len’s last few shows.

Emma: Craig did say Bravo

Liz: He looks so annoyed that he can’t give a 10. He did definitely have a tiny wobble

Judges’ Scores

Craig: 9 Darcey: 10 Len: 10 Bruno: 10 Total: 39

Liz: And he’s crying, of course he is.

Emma: Karen, look at Karen.

Liz: And Pasha and Neil.

Emma: OK now I am watching Pasha.

Liz: I love Karen.

Conclusion:

Emma: I don’t think I want Claudia in the final. They’ve been telling her since week 2 to bring the emotion and there has been no trend or improvement and then bam…emotion.

Liz: I don’t like them as much as I expected to, and as much as I think a showdance with them could be incredible, and scary to watch, I want the other three to get there!!

Emma: As much as I want Louise and Kevin to win, I don’t think they would see it as losing if they didn’t win, like it would just be the icing on the cake for them.

Liz: I feel like only Danny would feel like he lost it to be honest. I love him, but I fear a little that he peaked to early.

Emma: I wasn’t expecting Ore and Joanne’s tango to be that…erm…I don’t know what the word is.

Liz: I didn’t think it would be him that topped the leader board.

Emma: I feel like my over loud sweary concern every time Oti and Danny did a lift was justified.

Liz: I’m not sure I will ever forget that lift/catch, or ever be able to watch it without holding my breath and panicking.

Double dancing brought double the opportunity to impress the judges, but double the chance to overstep, mess up, or drop your partner. All the couple’s really brought their A-games, it was a really impressive semi-final. Until tomorrow….

…..keep dancing.


Results Show

Coming soon!

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One thought on “The One when I realised Dave Arch is my (not so) secret, slightly inappropriate crush

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