Strictly Saturdays: The One with the Sexual Harassment

It’s that time of year again – get out your spray cans, fish out the rhinestones and sequins I know you have stashed away, and grab the wineglasses – Strictly Come Dancing is back! Yep, you read that right, the nation’s favourite Saturday night show is back on TV. And while last night was really good, I do think Strictly makes a Saturday night, and Saturday nights are made for Strictly.

This year, I happen to be living with a good friend who is also a big Strictly fan and fellow blogger. This means only one thing – doubled-up live-blogging… because bitching comments and shameless perving shouldn’t just be reserved for our living room, it should be shared with the…masses?

Here’s how it works:
Each week myself and Emma will be bringing you a tag-team live-blog of Strictly Come Dancing. We will be alternating whose blog it is posted on so if you want to keep up-to-date with our clearly deeply insightful commentaries, then you should make sure you’re following both of our blogs.

Last week on strictly (which Emma posted all about here) was a Neil infested Blackpool extravaganza, that saw Greg and Natalie depart following an Olympic dance-off. I’m sad to see the back of Ed, but I am pretty glad that Natalie has gone. And of course, we got to see lots of Neil’s wonderful face, and shimmies.

Now, let’s get on with the show!

Opening Credits/Intro

Liz: I should not have eaten so much curry before Strictly. This was a bad move.

Liz: Was that a dwarf or a child?

Emma: Haha, a child.

Liz: Ooooo Cha Cha challenge.

Emma: I keep forgetting some of these people were in it.

Liz: Like Will?!

Emma: Awww Tameka

Liz: Awww Gorka. I hope his face is OK (Gorka was attacked following the Blackpool show last week, sustaining damage to some teeth.)

Emma: I like how Louise and Kevin fist bump

Liz: That has always been so adorable. Like them.

Emma: That’s quite a high sli. I think I saw her knickers there. If she’s wearing any. And I don’t like the sleeves, they look like they’ve fallen down. And I feel like I’m looking at claudia’s boobs

Liz: Was that a cheeky Craig wink?

Emma: OK, Craig seems really happy, what’s going on. And look at how daring her dress is.

Liz: Ore and Joanne is going to be fierce.

Emma: Did you see Kevin and Louise at the end there?

Liz: Awww such cuties.

Danny Mac and Oti Mabuse: Samba to ‘Magalenha’ (watch here)

Liz: I hope they get another 40. Ickle cuties.

Liz: ‘She wasn’t laughing at me, she was celebrating the rhythm of my body’ hahahahahaha

Emma: Will have to remember that one.

Liz: Dem hips

Emma: His cheekbones were really kicking off there]

Liz: I’m to full to cope with an open shirt.

Emma: Oh Jeez, hell, I wasn’t expecting him to go for it that much. It wasn’t that I was staring at his crotch, but then it was just THERE

Liz: Oh wow. This is, erm, yes. He is going for this.  I feel like I am watching a fantasy of Bruno’s

Emma: I feel like I’m watching something Bruno wants, how long do you think it will take for him to sexually harass him? Like a second

Liz: If that. Oh he has those rib muscles, Emma!

Emma: I’m staring at his crotch, I don’t feel like I can look away. No don’t do that, don’t lunge.

Liz: That open shirt though.

Emma: I feel like it was a brave samba to do. It was slow????

Liz: It showcased technique. Definitely brave

Emma: It was open, no place to hide if it went wrong.

Judges’ Comments

Liz: I’m not ready for Bruno’s comments. They should come with a parental warning.

Emma: What’s on his face?

Liz: I think it’s her foundation

Emma: I think Len is sexually harassing him

Liz: This is even more horrific than Bruno

Emma: Hearing Len describe his hips as a snake has made my entire body cringe. I don’t want Len to think phrases like that. He really liked it.

Liz: I think my curry is coming back up. Bruno sit down!!!

*neither of us contain ourselves and just laugh throughout Bruno’s comments pointing at Oti’s face*

Liz: Their faces, they don’t know what to do.

Emma: I’m sorry, but you can’t wear an outfit like that in front of Bruno in that dance, I’m not saying you’re asking for it, but….you’re asking for it

Liz: I can’t type, I’m laughing too much. Even Craig is amazed and distracted.

Emma: So what he said was what Bruno said, but not pervy

Liz: Essentially, another 40??

Judges’ Scores

Emma: Oh he’s buttoned his shirt up, we can’t look down his shirt well now.

Liz: Look at Neil!!

Emma; When you see them like this I see where the rumours have come from about them.

Craig: 10 Darcey: 10 Len: 10 Bruno: 10 Total: 40

Liz: Darcey’s face

Emma: It’s stuff like this that makes me think they deserve to win

Liz: Wow, first strictly samba 40??

Emma: Awwww. She’s crying

Liz: Properly. She’s so cute.

Emma: Look at them all dancing to the T+Cs,

Liz: Karen and Janette look like they can’t dance. And why is Neil dancing with Gio.

Emma: I like how there is two women dancing together in front of them but oh no they’re choosing to dance with each other.

Ore Oduba and Joanne Clifton: Paso Doble to ‘Everybody Wants to Rule the World’ (watch here)

Emma: Would you want to go after that though?

Liz: I’ve got high hopes for this. They should bring the drama.

Emma: My favourite has still been singing in the rain

Liz: Yeah that was good.

Liz: I feel like this is asking a teddy bear to become a serial killer. It isn’t going to happen, he is too nice.

Emma: I forgot it was to this.

Liz: That’s why I had high hopes.

Emma: It’s weird to see him like this

Liz: He’s never been more attractive

Emma: Have you seen Bruno leaning on the table??

Liz: Oh Bruno.

Emma: I can’t take him seriously like this

Liz: I felt like it was a little lacking…well…a lot at all

Emma: It was lacking paso and flamenco.

Liz: It was drama, but it wasn’t super paso.

Judges’ Comments

Emma: that’s a very recent film to be referencing Bruno

Liz: He’s not wrong, there just wasn’t enough

Emma: I just wanted more of it. I don’t want a twist, I want more Paso there.

Liz: I heard porno bra. I don’t understand these terms.

Emma: I didn’t get the story. I don’t know what it was.

Liz: It was DRAMA.

Emma: Darcey is kinda sexually harassing with the word supple.

Liz: What he did was good, there just wasn’t enough.

Judges’ Scores

Emma: Gorka,

Liz: Neil and Gorka

Craig: 8 Darcey: 9 Len: 9 Bruno: 10 Total: 36

Emma: He looks a little disappointed.

Liz: I think there was a mistake

Louise Redknapp and Kevin Clifton: Viennese Waltz to ‘At This Moment’ (watch here)

Liz: Why have they put all my favourites at the beginning? I feel sick for the amount of typing!

Emma: I feel like if they’re doing a waltz I’m not going to have a lot to say

Liz: Awwww, Jamie.

Emma: That deserved so much more.

Liz: I don’t get how they’re romantic. Kevin and Louise. Well, now Louise and Jamie too.

Emma: ‘Is that really how close he is to ya?’ That might be my favourite comment this week.

Liz: Awwww

Emma: Awww

Liz: Oh this is gonna be cute.

Emma: Kevin is kinda making the face again

Liz: It’s less creepy in this though. Although Emma’s face looks horrified.

Liz: He shows her off so well. Ge is all about making his partner look their best. Look at those spins.

Emma: That was impressive. That many spins is impressive.

Liz: Neil’s little smile.

Judges’ Comments

Liz: Emma is pulling that face that people pull at babies doing adorable things.

Emma: That coming from Craig too.

Liz: Awww they’re saying it’s the other one and they’re both so cute and responsible.

Emma: *Giggles* Look at Bruno

Liz: Look proud of her Kevin look

Judges’ Scores

Liz: That should get a lot there.

Emma: Do you think they know something about how popular Neil is, he’s always at the front.

Liz: Yeah he is. YEAH HE IS.

Craig: 9 Darcey: 10 Len: 10 Bruno: 10 Total: 39

Liz: Who screamed?

Emma: I think it was Kevin.

Liz: I MISSED IT

Emma: She picked Kevin up, and aww, Karen gave a reassuring and proud shoulder rub.

Robert ‘Judge’ Rinder and Oksana Platero: Rumba to ‘Lean On Me’ (watch here)

Liz: Oh for fucks sake, I thought we were past the rumba. And his face in a rumba.

Emma: Judge Rinder looks better with stubble

Liz: Correct.

Emma: Awww

Liz: That’s adorable, they’re still really close.

Emma: Shame it’s a rumba.

Liz: I like this song.

Emma: Stop with your face.

Liz: It’s distracting.

Emma: I don’t understand

Liz: I feel like he doesn’t know what looking at a woman like this is all about

Emma; Just pretend she is a bloke? They don’t seem to be going for that with it

Liz: I hate rumbas.

Judges’ Comments

Emma: Awww I want him to do well, that’s the thing.

Liz: That will be because he is gay Darcey. The story didn’t fit though.

Emma: It is difficult for the men, there’s not much to do

Liz: You’re essentially a frame or arm for the woman. You can’t spin and walk.

Emma: Bruno’s right. He sexually harasses them, but he gives genuinely good advice

Liz: I have always thought this, it’s veiled but it is the best advice.

Emma: Can’t fault his effort, that’s true.

Judges’ Scores

Liz: Awww, he’s a cutie.

Emma: He’s so earnest

Craig: 6 Darcey: 8 Len: 8 Bruno: 7 Total: 29

Emma: Craig!

Liz: That’s the spirit.

Ed Balls and Katja Jones: Tango to ‘(I Can’t Get) No Satisfaction (watch here)

Emma: Oh God Ed, you used to be a politician

Liz: His Zoolander makes me uncomfortable.

Emma: I can’t believe he just said ‘Let’s go smash it’

Liz: Let’s not see this. Paul Sculfor is so hot and Ed, well..

Emma: Oh God, no.

Liz: This make some a little urgh

Emma: She is fan-girling over him

Liz; I won’t be able to un-see this

Liz: This is awful,

Emma: He’s dancing with a rose, he’s given it to Craig.

Liz: Thing is, he’s not horrendous when he dances.

Emma: He’s the best shit one they’ve had. That was good.

Liz: Oh OH no

Emma: Don’t take it off.

Liz: I have vomit in my mouth.

Emma: *cowers behind Pasha the Polar bear* I feel physically repulsed.

Liz: Her dress is beautiful though.

Emma: Problem is, when he is out of hold he does stupid things.

Liz: Those throwy lift moves, they’re good.

Emma: Clearly she trusts him

Liz: Well that was something.

Emma: It’s always entertaining Ed

Judges’ Comments

Liz: That was a risqué comment there Len!

Emma: I don’t know what spot though.

Liz: Oh Jesus, has Bruno started on Ed now.

Emma: Yeah he was hunched over.

Liz; Committed. Yes,  another synonym for ‘’a trier’’.

Judges’ Scores

Emma: Pasha, try not to piss yourself again

Liz: No Claudia, just no modelling Ed.

Craig: 4 Darcey: 6 Len: 7 Bruno: 6 Total: 23

Liz: Nothing like blind optimism

Emma: Moves like Jagger yep.

Liz; Like he is having an epileptic fit.

Emma: I feel like we have been watching it for 3 hours, have we?

Liz: We keep pausing to laugh, that’s why. Well, I keep pausing to laugh….

Claudia Fragapane and AJ Pritchard: Argentine Tango to ‘Cry Me a River’ (watch here)

Liz: OK, just gonna say it, are they old enough>

Emma: For what?

Liz: For this dance?? It could be good though, they could legitimately use her gymnastics in this,

Emma: Right, he’s taking her go-karting, they’re actually 12.

Liz: Oooo I like the floor.

Emma: Oh I forgot it was to this,

Liz: His face should not be there

Emma: His hand should not be there

Liz: This is creepy, I feel like we’re watching a rebellious, teenage affair

Emma: That was cool how he left her and she stayed in the same position. Mannequin challenge in the middle.

Liz: Many of those lifts defied the laws of gravity. Wow, that was good.

Emma: That’s what you mean about the gymnastic background

Liz: Using her core strength well.

Judges’ Comments

Emma: Len is clapping

Liz: I agree Bruno, dem lifts.

Emma: Well, to be fair….

Liz: It’s hardly landing a vault.

Emma: I expected her legs to land so much sooner, such good core strength,

Liz: They used it so well.

Emma: Well, she is placing her legs, so…

Liz: I don’t want to see more, they’re about 5.

Judges’ Scores

Liz: Awww might they get their first 10?

Liz: I don’t give a shit what Natalie though, get her off the screen

Craig: 9 Darcey: 9 Len: 9 Bruno: 9 Total: 36

Emma: This is coming from someone who doesn’t like them as a couple, but, the way they were raving about it then, how did they not get a 10??

Liz: Well, quite.

Cha Cha Challenge (watch here)

To give a little bit of a lift in proceedings, the dancers were required to participate in a cha cha challenge in addition to their prepared dance for the show. Their scores are added to their Cha Cha results to give a final leaderboard. The Cha Cha has been chosen as the challenge dance as all the celebrities have performed a cha cha with their partners at some point in the competition.

To help things along and make everything clearer (or that was the idea) Len did a quick run down of the rules, and a little guide to what the judges were looking for. The six couple all dance on the floor together, their positions drawn at random beforehand. Halfway through, they swap places to afford them the chance to strut their stuff in front of the judges,l There is a very strict no lift rule, and no other dance styles can be incorporated. It is strictly Cha Cha people.

The Guardian Created this handy hints and tips for what to look out for:

  • There’s no disguising lack of chemistry; if it’s not there in the cha cha cha, the judges secretly know it’s game over
  • Though a Latin dance, the tone is cheeky, almost cat-and-mouse; dancers are marked down for playing it too sexy with kicks, lifts and too much bottom wiggling
  • Judges will want to see men walking only on the balls of their feet, and will mark down flat heels
  • The man’s leading leg work will make or break the dance, as John Sargent’s disastrous knees-up performance illustrated. Knees should be kept close together, and weighted legs should be straight
  • Cha cha cha developed out of mambo and shares its emphasis on what Cuban’s call “feeling the music”; it’s about expressing the beat but staying fluid

The results were not exactly unexpected. Ed and Katja finished last, followed by Judge Rinder and Oksana, and then the babies Claudia and AJ. The battle for the top spot saw Ore and Joanne take third place, and left the top two from the earlier dances to battle it out for the top spot. In a swap from the individual dances, Danny and Oti finished runner-up to Louise and Kevin, who looked like they were having a ball. Kevin looked so proud.

Conclusions

Emma: I love Kevin. I feel like I saw it every week, but I love him, and Louise. Danny was just obscene. Ed has ruined a song completely for me, I won’t be able to listen to that the same way again.

Liz; Louise and Kevin are adorable, as much as I love Danny and Oti, I am desperate to see Kevin win. Danny was obscene, but it was the best kind!!! I feel like Claudia and AJ were definitely under-marked, that deserved at least one 10!!

I hope you enjoyed tonight’s show. Pop back tomorrow for some results show musings. Until then…..

…..keep dancing!


Results Show

Coming soon!

 

 

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