So which is it then….?

A few weeks ago, when I was new to the blogging game and fresh out of University, I posted this: The beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning?ย I have had a few weeks to think about things, think about niches and alike, and just get used to blogging and life after university, and have 100% decided that it is the end of the beginning!

Everything really does feel like it’s ending, it’s been a summer of the things. I have finished education, which, considering it has been the focal point of much of my life for the past 18 years is a pretty huge thing. I can’t believe I am already a month on from graduation, it seems like yesterday I arrived at Lancaster for the first time, never mind the final time I would leave. I’ve made so many friends over that time, learnt a lot about so much, and grown from a small child to a not so small adult.

This weekendย was one of the hardest ends that i’ve had so far. I was ready to see my friends knowing it was the last time for 12 months, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I was ready for the moment I said goodbye to each of them, and despite knowing the time difference, didn’t deal with it badly. It wasn’t until I got back home and was sorting stuff and cleaning stuff away that I realised how long 12 months is. It really sucks. I know it’s my own choice to leave and travel, but not seeing the people you have bonded with and lived with for the past few years is really rubbish. Please don’t forget me guys.

This week, I went to town with my Gran. We go out together quite often, for lunch, or shopping, or out for the day. I really enjoy it, it’s a nice way to spend a little bit of time with her on my own. Yesterday, we went for a frappuccino together, yes, you did read that right, a frappuccino. I’m not entirely sure that she knew what one was, but after my brief description (which consisted of coffee flavoured milkshakes) she settled on a small banana yoghurt flavour, and we sat watching the world go by. At that point, I realised for the next year that I wouldn’t be able to do that any more. She has Parkinson’s and related dementia, who knows what she will be like when she gets back. A very sad thought indeed. Not that she would want me to think like that, she seems as excited as I am about travelling to be honest!

Even my brothers are completing their education. One has just finished a-levels and is off to do Classics at Liverpool, and the other is entering his final year of college, they’re getting old. It’s a shame they aren’t actually growing up. They are possibly more annoying than ever, doing more irritating things, than ever before, and even though I am probably completely intolerable of it, more so than ever, I guess I will miss it. That is probably a lie, as I never missed them while I was at University, but not having family around, or a hop on the train away, will be new. The end of family reliance and contact.

I can’t help wondering if this will be the end of me. Not literally, I don’t think the trip will kill me or anything Without getting too much into ”finding myself” stuff, I do wonder whether this travelling malarkey will change me enough for it to be the end of who I was. Part of me hopes I change, I can’t imagine a trip like this wouldn’t change me; if I did come back unchanged I can’t help but think I would have quit/felt disappointed etc. I don’t want to change too much though, or become unrecognisable or something, if y’know what I mean?

I am rambling, and so I will stop. And read, or something, definitely not get upset/overly thoughtful.

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4 thoughts on “So which is it then….?

  1. Not to get mushy but we absolutely 100% will not forget you.

    Although I don’t doubt it, just make sure you thoroughly enjoy your trip – I need to live vicariously through you after all, I’m counting on it haha – and we can catch up when you get back, no matter how changed/unchanged you end up being!

    Like

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